“It was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole.” – Rupi Kaur
Time for some real talk.
It’s been a tough few months for me, and I wanna be as honest as possible with you. Talking about wellness and mental health for a while sometimes makes you feel like you always have to show some hope and positivity when you speak about it – but life just isn’t positive or hopeful 100% of the time, and I think it’s unnatural to think that it will be.
I’ve been going through a rough patch that I’m slowly getting out of, which is why I feel a bit more comfortable to talk about it now. I’ve been neglecting my blog and social media because whenever I feel like this it’s the last place I wanna be, and I also don’t wanna be posting fake shit when I know it’s not how I’m really feeling.
I don’t really know how or why this started, but isn’t that how mental health goes? It sometimes knocks you off your feet when you think you’ve been fine.
I slowly lost interest in doing yoga daily, which I haven’t practiced regularly for a long time now. I started experiencing some body dysmorphia and not feeling comfortable in myself or my body anymore, I started losing all interest in my work life as well.
I’ve been on medication for skin issues for the past year or so, my weight has fluctuated with this as well, putting me in a shitty mood and everything just sort of spiraled without me noticing for ages. Being in a long distance relationship also gives rise to its own struggles, when you’re wanting to be with someone so much and you just can’t.
I kinda felt like I lost myself to be very honest with you. Totally consumed with all the things life was throwing at me.
I became determined to drag myself out of it, I started doing yoga again on and off, started working out more, eating healthier food and doing things that I know have put me in a better mood when this has happened in the past.
Working on your mind folks. That’s the key thing here
It’s never easy –
It’s never instant –
It takes work –
That sometimes you don’t wanna put in. But if you care about yourself you’ll keep trying, keep looking for the small things that make you happy and make you move forward. You just can’t give up on yourself, because things do get better. Life always throws shitty situations at you, little stresses and problems – but if your mind is in a healthy place, your ability to deal with those issues improves, and your mental health won’t be as affected by them.
I’m feeling a lot better now, and I’m starting to loosen up a bit. I think it’s also about learning to accept that it’s totally ok if you’re feeling like a bag of shite. This is normal, and we all experience it sometimes. However, if this is becoming a regular thing – you’re feeling shit for longer periods of time – maybe you need some extra help. Be aware of how you’re feeling daily, and take steps to improve your situation in any way that you can.
Because you’re worth it. We are all worth it.
I still don’t really know why I’m writing this or what the point is. I guess I just didn’t want to start posting regular stuff until I had been fully honest about what has been going on with me. Albeit, I’m feeling pretty good right now.
People are constantly changing and learning – and I feel like maybe my blog doesn’t reflect my true self as much as I’d want it to: it’s probably why I never post anymore. I want to feel as creative as possible when I write and not have to think twice about it (my own fault). I write so many posts that afterwards I do absolutely nothing with. I’m gonna try my best to make a change to this system I have going on, and start being more free with content.
You gotta pick yourself up when you need it, love yourself even when you don’t (does that make sense?). I mean, even if you don’t love yourself right now, love yourself enough to work on yourself. All feelings are temporary and you have to remember that. Every single time you fall, you gain a higher strength from that experience. We are constantly learning.
It’s always work. And it’s always worth it.
I’m grateful for these shit experiences because they give me more opportunity to grow.
Sending you all love,
& thanks for reading,
Please give me some suggestions or topics you want me to write about, I would love to get your feedback – comment here, on my Instagram (amy.lauren.butler) or twitter (@amylauren_b)