Real Talk

“It was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole.” – Rupi Kaur

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Time for some real talk.

 

It’s been a tough few months for me, and I wanna be as honest as possible with you. Talking about wellness and mental health for a while sometimes makes you feel like you always have to show some hope and positivity when you speak about it – but life just isn’t positive or hopeful 100% of the time, and I think it’s unnatural to think that it will be.

 

I’ve been going through a rough patch that I’m slowly getting out of, which is why I feel a bit more comfortable to talk about it now.  I’ve been neglecting my blog and social media because whenever I feel like this it’s the last place I wanna be, and I also don’t wanna be posting fake shit when I know it’s not how I’m really feeling.

 

I don’t really know how or why this started, but isn’t that how mental health goes? It sometimes knocks you off your feet when you think you’ve been fine.

 

I slowly lost interest in doing yoga daily, which I haven’t practiced regularly for a long time now. I started experiencing some body dysmorphia and not feeling comfortable in myself or my body anymore, I started losing all interest in my work life as well.

 

I’ve been on medication for skin issues for the past year or so, my weight has fluctuated with this as well, putting me in a shitty mood and everything just sort of spiraled without me noticing for ages. Being in a long distance relationship also gives rise to its own struggles, when you’re wanting to be with someone so much and you just can’t.

 

I kinda felt like I lost myself to be very honest with you. Totally consumed with all the things life was throwing at me.

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I became determined to drag myself out of it, I started doing yoga again on and off, started working out more, eating healthier food and doing things that I know have put me in a better mood when this has happened in the past.

 

Working on your mind folks. That’s the key thing here

It’s never easy –

It’s never instant –

It takes work –

 

That sometimes you don’t wanna put in. But if you care about yourself you’ll keep trying, keep looking for the small things that make you happy and make you move forward. You just can’t give up on yourself, because things do get better. Life always throws shitty situations at you, little stresses and problems – but if your mind is in a healthy place, your ability to deal with those issues improves, and your mental health won’t be as affected by them.

 

I’m feeling a lot better now, and I’m starting to loosen up a bit. I think it’s also about learning to accept that it’s totally ok if you’re feeling like a bag of shite. This is normal, and we all experience it sometimes. However, if this is becoming a regular thing – you’re feeling shit for longer periods of time – maybe you need some extra help. Be aware of how you’re feeling daily, and take steps to improve your situation in any way that you can.

 

Because you’re worth it. We are all worth it.

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I still don’t really know why I’m writing this or what the point is. I guess I just didn’t want to start posting regular stuff until I had been fully honest about what has been going on with me. Albeit, I’m feeling pretty good right now.

 

People are constantly changing and learning – and I feel like maybe my blog doesn’t reflect my true self as much as I’d want it to: it’s probably why I never post anymore. I want to feel as creative as possible when I write and not have to think twice about it (my own fault). I write so many posts that afterwards  I do absolutely nothing with. I’m gonna try my best to make a change to this system I have going on, and start being more free with content.

 

So…

 

You gotta pick yourself up when you need it, love yourself even when you don’t (does that make sense?). I mean, even if you don’t love yourself right now, love yourself enough to work on yourself. All feelings are temporary and you have to remember that. Every single time you fall, you gain a higher strength from that experience. We are constantly learning.

 

It’s always work. And it’s always worth it.

 

I’m grateful for these shit experiences because they give me more opportunity to grow.

 

Sending you all love,

 

& thanks for reading,

 

Amy xxx

 

 

Please give me some suggestions or topics you want me to write about, I would love to get your feedback – comment here, on my Instagram (amy.lauren.butler) or twitter (@amylauren_b)

 

 

 

 

Where Have I Been?

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I’m not even sure how to start this!  I’ve been in a blogging drought since May and I feel like I need to explain myself.  However that’s very hard when it’s difficult to pin point exactly how you’re feeling.

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So for ages I haven’t been happy with how the blog was going, how I was putting in that work, what I was writing about etc.  I wanted to keep things more personal, more real, more relatable… and less about products and material things.  But when you want to make that kind of change, you have to have feelings or experiences to write about.  My best posts were written when I was going through a big change in my life, and those sorts of big changes don’t come around often.  So then I feel this pressure to feel, to be different and to learn, but you can’t force that kind of thing.  On top of that I am currently unemployed and looking for work, so as much as I love blogging I really have to give 95% percent of my time into changing that.  I’m letting y’all know this because things are hopefully going to be different from now on.

I don’t want my posts to be as long or as intricate because even though I push myself to keep a high standard of content, it stops me from being consistent.  It becomes this big thing in my mind and the pressure I put on myself scares me out of just completing it.  So I want my posts to be shorter, more concise, more direct.  And on any topic I’m thinking about that week or whatever is relevant to my experiences at that time.

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I want to feel more connected to whoever reads my blog, I want to have good conversations and interactions, so please feel free to tweet me or comment on my instagram and we can start to feel more together.

The photos taken for this post were in Bray, Co. Wicklow, Ireland – on a much needed trip recently to clear my head.

I love you all so much and thanks to anyone who takes time out of their day to read anything here,

Love and light,

Namaste,

Amy xx

UPDATE : So I wrote this post two days ago intending to post it today.  As of two days ago, I NOW HAVE A JOB!  A job I have wanted for a really long time and I am so excited to start.  I wanted to include this, because it’s funny how just as I write about it something changes.  That’s just life though isn’t it!  Love to all you gorgeous people!!

How Yoga Camp with ‘Yoga With Adriene’ Changed Me

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Towards the end of last year I went through a huge change, a break-up, something I discussed in my ‘A Bit More Personal..’ post (have a read if you want to get up to date with me!).  I was struggling with self-love, and Christmas was particularly difficult for me.  New Years was even worse.  I so desperately wanted things to change.  I wanted to go into 2016 with a positive outlook, and most importantly, start doing things for myself for once.  So when I heard ‘Yoga with Adriene’s’ Adriene Mishler was starting a 30 day Yogacamp for the month of January, completely free, with a video uploaded every single day, I was sold.  I signed up, and got my first email which included the YogaCamp Calendar.  I printed it out and marvelled at all the beautiful mantras I was yet to experience.  The whole idea seemed too good to be true, and I feel the universe was helping me by bringing it to my attention.  It was exactly what I needed, and was aimed to tackle my largest problem at the time, self-love.

On January 1st, it all started.  The first video was an introduction, and then Jan 2nd the first yoga practise of the month was uploaded.  I rolled out my matt, tied my hair up, and took some deep breaths.  I cannot explain to you how, even after the first day of yogacamp, I felt a weight lifted.  I felt I was moving in the right direction.  AND GUUURL WAS I RIGHT!

Adriene is from Texas so each upload was at 6am her time, which was 12pm for me in Ireland.  I made a habit of waking up, cleaning, tending to the animals, eating breakfast, and doing a few odd jobs before the video came in.  I felt for the first time in months I was excited to get out of bed, and would become so elated knowing that 12pm was coming soon.  It truly revived a part of me that had been lost for many years, the drive…the excitement…the gratitude..the accomplishment…the self-love.  It got to a point where I was laughing at myself thinking ‘oh my friends want to go out this weekend, buuuuut what about my yogacamp?!’.  That’s another thing that was so important after the breakup, to keep friends close, and to get out the house and enjoy myself.  I couldn’t believe I wanted to stay home alone, not to eat ice cream and feel sorry for myself…but just so I could make sure I got my yogacamp fix!

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I got so used to doing it everyday, and concentrating on each day’s mantra, that I felt I was subconsciously letting myself feel everything I was trying to avoid months before.  That sounds bad, but beforehand I was constantly trying to force myself to be happy and confident, which after I while I realised was the thing holding me back and that was stopping me from moving forward.  Focussing on positive mantras, and only that, until the next day rolled around, kept things small, easier to handle, and approachable.  It wasn’t scary anymore.

On top of all that, I felt part of a community that was separate from the people I know in my life, who didn’t have opinions on what I was going through.  I found that so refreshing, part of a family that had no judgement.  Reading other people’s experiences of the very same videos I was watching, was grounding in itself.

The gratitude I feel for this woman is immense.  She came out of the blue and helped me with deep personal issues I’ve had for years.  And she gave it all out for free.  You can just tell the amount of effort that went into the mantras, the thoughtful poses for each day, the awareness of different levels people may be at, the delicacy with which she handled the intense and overwhelming idea of ‘making self-love cool again’.. all the while making you laugh with her hilarious jokes.  I’ve been doing yoga for years and have never felt so affected by a practise in my life.

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When it all came to an end there is a sadness attached, however I decided to restart it all over again.  I was hopeful that the change in self-love could only double after doing it all again for the next month.  I was right.  I feel the happiest and most at peace I’ve ever felt, I feel strong, beautiful, and capable of tackling anything that comes my way in the future.  Some of those things I never thought I’d say.  It is always a constant journey, but respect it and be patient.  So after all that, I want to say, Thank you Adriene Mishler.  You’ll probably never read this, but I’m sending love and light to you!  I am aware I’m a bit late to post this, a few months after… but I feel it was important to express this and better late than never.

If you are struggling with self-love, or are curious about sticking to yoga practise for 30 days, I cannot recommend this enough.  If that’s not your cup of tea, she has a vast amount of other videos on her channel which I’ll link below.  HAPPY YOGA-ING AND REMEMBER TO LOVE YOURSELF!

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Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read this,

Namaste,

Amy xx