Real Talk

“It was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole.” – Rupi Kaur

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Time for some real talk.

 

It’s been a tough few months for me, and I wanna be as honest as possible with you. Talking about wellness and mental health for a while sometimes makes you feel like you always have to show some hope and positivity when you speak about it – but life just isn’t positive or hopeful 100% of the time, and I think it’s unnatural to think that it will be.

 

I’ve been going through a rough patch that I’m slowly getting out of, which is why I feel a bit more comfortable to talk about it now.  I’ve been neglecting my blog and social media because whenever I feel like this it’s the last place I wanna be, and I also don’t wanna be posting fake shit when I know it’s not how I’m really feeling.

 

I don’t really know how or why this started, but isn’t that how mental health goes? It sometimes knocks you off your feet when you think you’ve been fine.

 

I slowly lost interest in doing yoga daily, which I haven’t practiced regularly for a long time now. I started experiencing some body dysmorphia and not feeling comfortable in myself or my body anymore, I started losing all interest in my work life as well.

 

I’ve been on medication for skin issues for the past year or so, my weight has fluctuated with this as well, putting me in a shitty mood and everything just sort of spiraled without me noticing for ages. Being in a long distance relationship also gives rise to its own struggles, when you’re wanting to be with someone so much and you just can’t.

 

I kinda felt like I lost myself to be very honest with you. Totally consumed with all the things life was throwing at me.

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I became determined to drag myself out of it, I started doing yoga again on and off, started working out more, eating healthier food and doing things that I know have put me in a better mood when this has happened in the past.

 

Working on your mind folks. That’s the key thing here

It’s never easy –

It’s never instant –

It takes work –

 

That sometimes you don’t wanna put in. But if you care about yourself you’ll keep trying, keep looking for the small things that make you happy and make you move forward. You just can’t give up on yourself, because things do get better. Life always throws shitty situations at you, little stresses and problems – but if your mind is in a healthy place, your ability to deal with those issues improves, and your mental health won’t be as affected by them.

 

I’m feeling a lot better now, and I’m starting to loosen up a bit. I think it’s also about learning to accept that it’s totally ok if you’re feeling like a bag of shite. This is normal, and we all experience it sometimes. However, if this is becoming a regular thing – you’re feeling shit for longer periods of time – maybe you need some extra help. Be aware of how you’re feeling daily, and take steps to improve your situation in any way that you can.

 

Because you’re worth it. We are all worth it.

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I still don’t really know why I’m writing this or what the point is. I guess I just didn’t want to start posting regular stuff until I had been fully honest about what has been going on with me. Albeit, I’m feeling pretty good right now.

 

People are constantly changing and learning – and I feel like maybe my blog doesn’t reflect my true self as much as I’d want it to: it’s probably why I never post anymore. I want to feel as creative as possible when I write and not have to think twice about it (my own fault). I write so many posts that afterwards  I do absolutely nothing with. I’m gonna try my best to make a change to this system I have going on, and start being more free with content.

 

So…

 

You gotta pick yourself up when you need it, love yourself even when you don’t (does that make sense?). I mean, even if you don’t love yourself right now, love yourself enough to work on yourself. All feelings are temporary and you have to remember that. Every single time you fall, you gain a higher strength from that experience. We are constantly learning.

 

It’s always work. And it’s always worth it.

 

I’m grateful for these shit experiences because they give me more opportunity to grow.

 

Sending you all love,

 

& thanks for reading,

 

Amy xxx

 

 

Please give me some suggestions or topics you want me to write about, I would love to get your feedback – comment here, on my Instagram (amy.lauren.butler) or twitter (@amylauren_b)

 

 

 

 

Balance

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So I’m sitting here on the 2nd of January unsure of what to start writing about.

 

I’ve only made 5 posts on this blog this year.

 

The longer I leave it between posts the more difficult it is to start a new one.

 

But that’s ok. This is where I’m at. This is 2018.

 

Honestly when I think back on this year, I’m filled with gratitude and happiness.

 

Total sap.

 

I’ve continuously worked my ass off at a job that I love. It’s developed into such a rewarding passion. I’ve learned so much from it and it has brought me on some crazy adventures around this beautiful Island I call home.

 

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It’s given me the freedom to do things outside of work that also bring me happiness.

 

Good quality time. Adventures abroad and at home. Festivals. National Parks. Drunken nights expressing my love to my friends. Sober nights laughing my face off.

 

So it’s brought me to this one particular thing that I feel 2017 has been all about for me.

 

Balance.

 

Balancing work and play. Balancing healthy eating with not so healthy eating. Nights in and nights out. The ups and downs of mental health. A learning curve.

 

Life is so unpredictable no matter how much you try to think that it isn’t. Things change so consistently.

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When I was younger, having a bit of a battle with anxiety and mental health, as so many of us do, change seemed like a really scary thing. Trying to take control of certain aspects of my life always appeared to give me comfort. It’s now that I realise that isn’t true – attempting to control things, that are truly out of your control, usually just leads to you feeling worse.

 

I’m aware that’s a super vague way of putting it, but I hope that at least some of you get where I’m coming from.

 

Change is inevitable. And so much is out of our control.

 

All that we truly have control over is our own thoughts, our own feelings, and whether or not we choose to be happy.

 

If ever someone told me years ago that you could just choose to be happy, I’d call them out on that bullshit. As if it was that easy.

 

It’s not that easy. It’s hard work. But I believe most of us still can.

 

And now I’m this person. I’ve chosen to be happy and I am.

 

I’ve chosen to try my best to take things in my stride, to maintain a healthy balance with whatever I do. Feeling comfortable with myself.

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2017 was super fun. While maintaining a balance with things that I love, like yoga, hikes and some good laughs, I also tried new things that made me step out of my comfort zone. Things that made me feel a bit uncomfortable at first, vulnerable and unknown. Opportunities for growth. I truly feel like I’ve understood how important having a healthy balance is to your mental health.

 

I’m going into 2018 happy and excited for a new chapter. I hope that you are too, and that you know you deserve to feel the same.

 

I talk about this every year because it’s something that always leaves a lasting impact on me: a month of daily yoga in January with Adriene Mishler. You’ll be sick of me mentioning this lady – but tune in to her youtube channel for a new practise every day for the month of January. The series is called ‘True’ this year. It’s real damn good so far.

 

Getting older has been a truly beautiful thing for me, keeping it real and being honest with myself every step of the way has been what’s helped me to stay balanced within myself.

 

Still on that self-love train. Still accepting the ups and downs. Still giving all the love.

 

I wish you all the best for 2018.

 

I’d typically write a little note here on when you’ll hear from me next, but let’s be honest, cut the bullshit and keep it real, neither of us know when that’s gonna happen. I only write when I feel the urge to, which clearly is not that often! All the same, I want to say thank you to anyone who took the time to read the rambles this year.

 

Love & Light to you beautiful people,

 

Namaste,

 

Amy xx